Thursday, June 12, 2008

Unsolicited Nakedness

from photographer Spencer Tunick's Amsterdam shoot

I've become comfortable here. Comfortable spilling mental viscera onto the virtual page. Comfortable as part of the community, despite historically, in Groucho Marx fashion, refusing to belong to any group that would have me as a member. Comfortable in sharing my fetish, my fantasies, even my face. These comforts are the product of time, trust, and an ever growing comfort in being myself. If I were uncomfortable in any of these things, this blog would have faded to silence long ago.

My persistent nakedness, however, surprises me constantly. It is the result of being comfortable, yes, but it catches me when I'm not expecting it. I am Eve with short-term memory loss. At ease with my bare flesh, I take a bite of the apple, and oh-my-goodness I'm naked in front of God and everybody. Then the taste of the apple fades, and I am again posting screenshots and video of my backside, occasionally including the camera angle I call the "up-my-guts" shot, for all the world to see.

I had two moments this week when I realized that perhaps not everyone is expecting this unsolicited nakedness. The first was in an email, when I found myself using the phrase "unsolicited nakedness" for the first time, after writing something akin to "I was going to send you this, but--" I realized that perhaps not everyone wants an email full of porn. The second was in conversation with a friend who sought out the Naughty Abby site after I'd confessed my activities of late, and he commented, "It's all there, isn't it? Black bar and everything." He was referencing the picture I have illustrating one of the videos. To titillate, I'd included one of the "up-my-guts" screen captures, but to be tasteful (ha!), I slapped a black bar over the pink parts. My friend's comment was comic, but it also held a morsel of apple-flavored truth. Maybe everyone I know doesn't actually need to see my guts, or even the unclothed parts that hold them in.

I know this doesn't hold true for everyone. My visitor stats are heightened for about a week every time I post even a short clip. At this point, except for the stray or accidental reader, any nakedness you find here is by implied solicitation. You know that I'm going to bare something, my heart or brain or bottom, and sometimes you'll get all three. The trouble is that by becoming so comfortable here, I want to share this world with everyone--and not everyone is a part of this world. The very word spanking is unsolicited nakedness for some. When I first started The Little Red Schoolhouse, one of my constant struggles was balancing the girl who loved submitting to a spanking and the woman who needed to be in charge. Now that I feel like I've found that balance, it's about how much I can really be that person. I'm learning when it's time to eat the apple and when it's time to forget its taste.

1 comment:

  1. You have found the balance, and I love it. Even though I'm a word person, I love both your words and your pictures. The two go hand in hand.



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