Showing posts with label spanking dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spanking dream. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

SOS (Save Our Spankings)

Found this image while searching Google Images for pictures of life preservers,
as I thought the idea of spanking as a life preserver(especially in regards
to my dream and my bad days) was apropos. This image is a bit odd,
which is what I liked about it, albeit non-spanking-related.

Naturally, I'll start off with a decscription of yet another caning dream. This one I had last week and was far less tittillating than the last one. In it, Mr. W and I were on a square boat - more of a motorized raft with railings, really. I was on my hands and knees in the center of the boat while Mr. W tried to simultaneously cane me and keep his balance, as we were out on the ocean and choppy waves were making the endeavor rather difficult. Somehow, we both knew that we were safer on the boat if we kept up the disciplinary antics than if we were to stop. I have a slight memory of an explanation involving equilibrium, but dream physics rarely translate past sleep.

After the boat had landed safely, I sat with my mom and tried to explain why I like spanking and all it entails. The best way I could explain why I like what I like was, "It makes me feel safe."

This was a revelation when I woke up. It's true! I think there is a direct correlation between my state of my mind when playing and the act itself. For example, no one other than Mr. W has caned me because no one other than Mr. W has been worthy of the trust I must have in someone to play at that degree of intensity, so there is already a built-in element of safety.

We also never play if he is stressed or having a bad day. As much as I miss it, especially as we've both had our share of bad and/or stressful days lately, it does mean that when we do play, we're in an emotional and mental space that means we can push and explore without fear. Even if I'm a little off and in need of a more therapeutic spanking, it means he can deliver what I need to rebalance myself because he's fully in charge of both his actions and his psyche. When we play, I am safe, so my subconscious has learned that if I am in the position of being spanked, I am also being protected.

No wonder it's something I crave so much when I'm having a bad day! Unfortunately, we have had too many mutually bad days recently. It's come to my attention that I've been ignoring myself, and that may be contributing to my own bad days. I haven't been reading, writing, pampering myself, reading other blogs, writing with other spankophiles - I haven't even followed back new Twitter followers or read my Fetlife messages! I am a bad blog personality right now, and a bad version of myself for ignoring the very things that make me who I am. I'm hoping that if I start paying attention to myself, the things I enjoy will come back to me.

So, things to do this week:

1. Take a long bubble bath with a book of spanking erotica and remember the importance of "me time." (Note to self: do not include puppy in this plan. Also, no pasta.) Paint toenails after bubble bath.

2. Read a book. Read it at 1:30 in the morning when the puppy wakes up. Read it under the desk at work. Just read! I've been carrying around A.S. Byatt's "The Biographer's Tale." Begin there.

3. Write 1000 words by midnight Saturday. Make 'em sexy, make 'em silly, just sit down and write.

4. Visit blogs of friends. Comment. Remember to be in the world.

5. Reply to emails. Follow fetish folks on Twitter. Reply to Fetlife messages and requests.

6. Get spanked! Nothing crazy, nothing exhausting, since it's been a while. Just play. Sexy, pink cheeked play. Please, Universe, even if my toes are left unpainted and I don't get through two chapters of a book, please make sure my bottom is spanked this week!

7. Lather, rinse, and, oh yeah, repeat.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I dreamed last night that you caned me in front of your father.

Sorry it's been so long! I'm still here. Here's something to make up for it. And yes, I really did dream this last night. I'd go hunting for a picture to post with it, but honestly, I actually just turned myself on enough in writing this that I've got to go...

I've missed you all. Hope everyone on this fabulous spanko planet is well.


I dreamed last night that you caned me in front of your father.

It wasn't your father as we know him, in body or in spirit, but a mustached athletic man always wearing track suits. He constantly created competition, whether it was playing chicken by driving on the wrong side of the road with me in the car or racing me up a long flight of steps, even when he knew he was in better health and had given himself a head start. He was known for womanizing and for as long as I'd known him, he'd had a different girl on his arm each time we saw him. All this I intuitively knew at the beginning of the dream.

When, in the dream, you told me we had to move in with him, I fought it by drinking rum and cokes and adopting puppies. My tactics were not successful. As we moved in, we learned that your father had finally found himself a steady girlfriend, a woman my age who would be living in the house with us as well.

Our living quarters were cramped. We were hesitant to have sex, nevermind to play as we were used to playing. Everytime you passed by me, you'd whisper that you wanted to spank me, or strap me, or cane me. You never had the chance.

Your father found me a job at the marina where he rented speed boats at outrageous costs to tourists. I wasn't quite clear on what I was supposed to do, but it allowed us time to chat, and it became apparent that he was growing to like me. Up until then, it was a known fact that he thought I was a tight-ass in all the wrong ways.

At home that night, as the four of us fought for room in the cramped kitchen, he asked me how many vibrators I owned. I told him only one, though I later remembered that I had three, I just didn't use the other two very often. He laughed and told me that his girlfriend had twenty and that she ought to give me lessons or loan me a few. I was embarrassed by the conversation; my face burned and I couldn't speak. You saw my discomfort and, at risk of your father's disapproval, told him of the toys we did own.

His jaw actually gaped. He kept looking at me like he'd never seen me before, and I suppose he hadn't. "And she likes this?" he asked you. "I can see what you'd get out of it, but why would she like something like that?" He looked to the girlfriend, who shrugged. She certainly wasn't interested in our kinds of toys or our kind of play. She was happy with battery-powered silicone. I laughed a little to myself. Some days, I couldn't blame her.

Your pride, I could tell, was a little bit wounded, as was your honor, I suspected. The last thing you wanted was for your dad to think you abused your wife, or took advantage of her. You pictured the news getting to your mom, and then your grandmother, and soon the entire family would look at us askance on holidays. It all flashed across your face too quickly for me to stop you. "Why don't we show you?" you said.

The girlfriend shook her head. She'd finish making dinner. The rest of us shuffled tentatively into the bedroom.

"Strip," you said. Your father looked towards me expectantly.

"Seriously?" I asked. "That's not usually how we start. If you want to show him what we do, then shouldn't I at least begin on my knees?"

Your dad snorted a bit, holding back a laugh. "I said strip," you demanded.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, yessir." Oh, this was going to be a disaster.

I took my clothes off uncermoniously, not even bothering to fold them as each item was removed and tossed onto the floor. You were aware enough of your father's presence to not request tidiness. After all, you were trying to prove that I was into this as much as you, not that I am your housecleaning sex slave.

For some reason, we had a small dinette set in our bedroom. You told me to bend over the table and touch the edge on the other side. I did so, and spread my legs without instruction. I got up on tiptoe to fully grasp the table, as much to keep me in place for show as to give me something to squeeze when the pain came.

As I got into position, you had gone into the closet and brought out the crook-handled set we ordered from the UK two Christmases ago, the Nusery-Junior-Senior set. You showed them to your father. "Can you guess which one she prefers?" you asked.

He pointed to the nursery cane, the thin whippy rattan that stung like a row of vipers biting my ass. You laughed and shook your head, holding up the senior cane instead. I called out, "I thought the same thing, before I'd felt them. But that little thing makes me cry in two strokes. It's like plucking pubic hair with dull tweezers. Not worth the trouble or the watering eyes."

You walked up to me and ran the senior cane across my bare backside, marking the spot you would strike first. "You like this one, don't you? You like when I cane you like this?"

You pulled back and swung quickly, your aim exact, the pain a blossom of purple as I gripped the table as tightly as I could and squeezed my eyes shut against the shock. I knew better than to scream; I didn't want to frighten anyone. Still, I think my gasp was not as loud as your father's, who had not expected the sudden violence or the pulsing welt that appeared instantaneously across my otherwise unmarked skin.

"Well?" you said.

Your father tried to answer, but could only say, "Umm." I tried to reassure him. "He doesn't mean you. I'm meant to count the strokes. Failing to do so or losing track earns me more. One, Sir."

You touched me with the cane just above your last mark, tapping a few times before the second blow came. I cried out with my mouth closed, a distorted groan that vibrated in the sides of my cheeks. I saw my knuckles briefly go white before I reminded myself to relax my grip. "Two, Sir."

When you struck a third time, a stroke more vicious than the last two, the kind you would have normally reserved for a well-warmed bottom, I couldn't hold the scream back. My knees buckled slightly, my head spun for a moment. I sputtered out a mumbled, "Three, Sir," and was ashamed that I was falling apart so quickly in front of an audience.

I straightened myself then arched my back, spreading my legs just a little bit wider, the way I know you like them. You raised your arm high and I clenched my buttocks just as I knew I shouldn't. If the last stroke was hard, I wondered if I could stand anything harder than that. I wondered if, in your quest to show off, you would draw blood. You swung quickly but slowed at the last moment, the difference too subtle for someone new to watching this to notice. The welt blossomed just as brightly, but I held myself together. "Four, Sir. Thank you, Sir." I hoped you knew why I was grateful.

You offered your father the cane for stroke five. It was brave of you, and it was only your trust in me not to refuse that enabled me to accept the offer willingly. Out of curiousity, he took it. "Touch her here," you told him, showing him how to saw the cane across the intended landing spot. He pulled the cane back and forth, back and forth, and knowing he was afraid to swing the cane, I allowed myself the small pleasure of the rattan stroking my backside, the sweet anticipation of what was to come. I was already thinking not of the next cane stroke but of the moment we could make your father leave the room, when you would plow into me without regard to my welts, would, in fact, scratch them and grip them with your nails as you thrust into me from behind, would make me cry out in confusion as to whether you were wounding me or making me come.

When the fifth stroke came, I realized he'd given the cane back to you and you'd landed one of your glancing blows, the strike and slide that raised the thickest and brightest welt. My cry this time was not the scream of surprised pain that had been released at strike three. It was the sobbing moan of a woman who knows her punishment isn't nearly over. It was pain and acceptance and resolution to bear the pain as best I could. Tears finally dripped quickly from the corners of my eyes down the arch of my nose and onto the table.

My sobs alarmed your father. "You see? She doesn't like this. She's crying, son. She doesn't want you to do this to her anymore."

With the ease of a man who has done so many times before, you stuck the cane between my legs, tapping the insides of my thighs until I was spread as wide as possible. Then you flicked the tip of the cane up to lick, to my embarrassment, the slick engorged lips of my vulva. You wiggled the cane back and forth, playfully threatening to slip inside my clearly wide open pussy. "How many was that, love?"

I moaned, and this time pain had nothing to do with it. "Five, Sir. Five."

You pulled the cane back slowly. I knew a web of wetness had clung to it, could feel it pulling away even after it was no longer touching my flesh. "Dear God," I heard your father whisper. I knew what he meant. The first time I'd been caned, which was the same as the first time I'd been caned by you, I'd had no idea what I was in for. The marks. The agony. The arousal so intense it bordered absurdity. When you caned me, no matter how hard I cried, no matter how scarred I was for days or weeks, I could only think of fucking you.

I resumed position. You saw my resolve, my desire to impress you and our audience of one. You tapped across my backside, five stripes already raised and stinging in scarlet relief against the full-fleshed ivory landscape. "Are you ready?" you asked, and the question wasn't for show. You wanted to know if I was ready to take a stroke that you would have given me as stroke twenty-three or twenty-four, after a full session of spanking, strapping, leather paddling, and only finally caning after my flesh was reddened and toughened, ready to take the strokes that could cut, that could leave me standing for days.

I nodded. I didn't trust my voice and I didn't want to ruin the moment. If we were going to do this, we were going to do it right, do it fully. We were going to send your father and his girlfriend out of the house with just my scream of agony and pleasure. And then we were going to fuck, whether I was weeping or not, and I was going to come so hard that you'd be hard-pressed to pull your cock out when you were through. Yes, I was ready.

I stood still for an eternity. Ten seconds, a minute, I had no idea. I don't think any of us were breathing. The tap came and it was high, the highest of the five strokes that had come before. Unsettlingly high - the spot sadists dream about for years before they are willing to risk a girl's flesh beneath their chosen implement. Even you, in all our play, had never caned me so close to the top of my bottom before, so near the spot where flesh becomes bone. After the tapping came the rubbing, the marking, the aiming. I stood as still as I could, terrified to breath, to tremble, to allow the tear quivering in the corner of my eye to fall.

I saw nothing but white light. Sound and time stopped. White, breath, white, breath. When crimson tinged the border of the white light, I knew I was alive. I was crying hard; I hadn't realized. My sobs wracked me forwards and back and your arms were around me, your cheek on my back, your lips pressed to my spine. I had never felt such pain. You had released me. You made me fly.

Your father's voice brought me back to the moment. "She didn't count six," he said.

"She didn't need to," you answered, but I was already laughing, sobbing and laughing, wondering what this could have looked like to a witness, even after being present for his first lesson in the pleasure of pain.

Despite the throbbing and my craving for aftercare, Advil, and a glass of wine, I allowed my hand to reach between my thighs, my middle and index finger to slide inside me. I looked over my shoulder at the third party in our scene. "You need to leave now," I whispered, my throat surprisingly hoarse from only six strokes.

He nodded, gulping, his hands over the erection in his track pants that he hoped I hadn't seen. You ran your hands through my hair. "Can I be inside you?" you asked, your throat as raspy as mine in your arousal.

"Just a few more," I whispered. "Please?" You reached for the cane, stroking the sweet spot where my bottom meets my thigh. You unzipped your jeans, your own erection as hard as I'd ever seen it pressing against the jersey of your boxers. A small wet spot had already appeared on the cotton. I knew the next six cane strokes would be hard and fast as you raced towards being inside me. I couldn't wait. I braced myself.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Tail of Two Dreams

Dreams Made Flesh, photo by Antonis DCD, found on Flickr.
I thought this photo captured a sense of self-created violence. There seems to be a desperation in the hands of the shadow, but nothing looms behind the figure to indicate threat.

I've had two interesting spanking dreams this week.

Last weekend, I dreamed that a high school friend and I were still in our teens and had gotten into some kind of trouble. We were to be punished by her two uncles, and the punishment was for us to be caned simultaneously. I was bent over, made to put my elbows and forearms on the seat of a straight-backed chair, and told to await my caning. The uncle in charge of my discipline walked away for a brief moment, then came back swishing the cane forcefully through the air, creating that sweet whish of terror and anticipation. After a few more swishes, he brought his arm back then quickly forward, flicking his wrist and... tapped me.

Now, I am no stranger to the cane tap. It marks the place the cane is to strike, or, when Mr. W is toying with me, it marks the place he wants me to think the cane will land, only to raise a weal elsewhere. But in this dream, after a few of these pretend cane strokes ending in taps, I began to rise up on my tiptoes, wiggling my backside in the air, encouraging the uncle to really let me have it. He did not.

Three nights ago, I dreamed that I was part of a rehabilitation program for violent criminals. The goal of the program was to help them learn to divert their rage before it turned into crime, or death. Lucky me, I had been put in charge of the rehab of a serial killer. I asked him why he needed to kill people, and he told me, "I like knowing I'm hurting them." Well, what top doesn't understand that sentiment? (Not to call all you tops out there akin to serial killers.)

My job was to show him how, with the help of a willing and preferably naked woman, he could unleash his violent tendencies and bask in the knowledge of their pain while remaining a decent citizen. He could be violent, create pain, and let the girl get up and walk away. We talked about these concepts at an outdoor wooden picnic table. Then I got up on the table on my hands and knees and told him to try spanking me.

He was afraid to try it. There were guards nearby, and I think he was a bit abashed. "Go ahead," I coaxed him. He stood to the left of me and whacked me with his right hand. The spank was weak, but I told him, "That's it. Try again." After a few more awkward attempts, he got into the swing of things. He began to wrap his left arm around my waist and the guards started towards us. I shook my head at them and let him restrain me. I knew that it was the only way he was going to learn self-control.

The dream then began to flash in and out, as dreams will do. In the next scene I was standing next to him, demonstrating how to use a belt for spankings, and talking about the difference between belts and leather straps. The dream flashed out, for a moment I was bent over the table while he practiced his lesson upon me, and then this particular part of the dream was over.

I don't think any of us are surprised that even in my dreams, my attitude is, "Come on, do it already!" I'm pretty much over the victim fantasies of my youth. I still find punished brats and naughty nieces hella sexy, but the truth is, these days I'm not aroused by the thought of inflicted discipline. I'm more intrigued by my innate physiological erotic response to spanking and by the idea that we do this because it's what we choose to do. I no longer want to see the schoolgirl sent to the headmaster's office for punishment. I want to see her walk in and demand it.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Self, Unbound


There's something wonderfully secretive and expository about this photo all at once (if you know where I found it, please tell me so I can credit the source--I can't remember). It almost seems as if the two women are one person. The girl in the background, doing the unlacing, is peering over the other's shoulder, as if peeking, as if saying, "Do you see this? Here I am. Look what I am doing." The corseted girl in the foreground is her secret self, the one she is exposing.

I dreamed last night that I was trying to dress for work and none of my skirts were long enough to cover my bruised bottom. Apparently, my dream self owned no pants. I also could not find any tights or leggings--my only option was to wear a skirt that barely hit the sweet spot where cheek meets thigh and socks that only went up to my knees.

In the dream I was frantic. "Everyone will know," I kept saying to myself. My husband appeared in the dream and said, "Everyone can see you." I know. I know.

There were times before we started the Naughty Abby project when I wanted to delete my entire blog, to go back into hiding. Sometimes it's so much easier to wear a mask (a subject I have already written about and will post later today, once a sample clip of the new paddling movie can be posted with it). I am so exposed. But I chose this, didn't I? It was my self in the background, telling the self at the core of me, "Like it or not, you're coming unbound."

Then again, in the dream, after my husband told me that everyone could see me, he told me he wanted me to cook eggplant for dinner. He would never say that. Never. So perhaps the desire to be naked in both soul and flesh before God and everybody is the real me, and the one who wants to hide is only a dream, a memory of me.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Earning My Stripes: A Dream Allegory


Some days I feel like this little piggy in the picture, adopted by tigers, trying to earn my quite literal stripes, all the while thinking that at some point soon, I am going to be devoured. I meant to write last night, but ran out of time. That post, which is still to come, would have been about the fiction I am now writing. I've given up trying to write straight fiction and have realized that if the subject of spanking has me writing again, then perhaps I should run with it in my fiction as well. Of course, I'm struggling a bit, and so I was hoping to sort it out in text.

Since I didn't get to write about spanking, I dreamed about the spanking world instead. But this wasn't a playful dream in which my bottom was bared. No, I dreamed about all of us and our blogs, in which we existed like exhibits at a zoo. Some of the exhibits were large and lush--those belonged to the more established personalities and writers. My exhibit was small and new, but clean, with a little plaque with the name "Abby" on it.

At this spanking zoo, one particular girl had a beautiful, tropical exhibit near mine. She had tiger stripes. She was planning a costume party (a strange activity for a tiger, but this is dream logic) and I was the Cinderella of the tale, wanting terribly to go to the ball. Then, to my absolute bliss, she invited me!

Mysterious dream things occurred; time passed. Briefly, there was an octopus. Then it was the day of the ball. All of the girls wore amazing satin dresses with detailed backsides--intricate beading, lace, and, of course, little ties that could fix the hem of the dress to the waist, since this was, after all, a costume ball for the animal people of the spanking zoo. I, however, had no dress. The tiger girl, in a sumptous cream confection, offered to help me. We found a costume closet at the back of the ballroom, filled with the strange outfits you might find in the costume closet of a college theater arts department. I could have dressed as Puck, or Dogberry, or an Elizabethan nurse. I could have worn the uniform of a Confederate Civil War soldier. But the only dress we could find that was appropriate was sage green, made from wallpaper fabric. The sleeves wouldn't stay up over my shoulders and the zipper wouldn't go up over my bottom. It didn't have any of the features that all the other girls' dresses had. So I attended the ball, but my dress kept falling off. Everyone kept saying I ought to be punished for wearing such a silly dress, but because my dress wasn't as fun as everyone else's, no one wanted to do the actual punishing.

I don't think anyone is really looking at me that way. I've felt nothing but accepted here. Maybe it's just that it's been eight days since my last spanking, or that I got writer's block this weekend as I came close to the scene that up until that point I had been so excited to write. Maybe it's just that I'm not getting as much time to write as I'd like. Or maybe it's that little girl inside me who never felt like she fit in, and she's just so scared that now that she's fitting in, it's going to be taken away somehow.
Or maybe I was just overtired and the forward I'd been sent about a mama tiger who adopted orphaned piglets became this distorted brain debris. And what was up with the octopus? I think this little piggy just needs her little pinkish-white bottom to be covered in tiger stripes so she can go on to think about other things. Other things on the same subject, of course.