Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Two Eyes!

Just a really quick update to say I am ok! Thank you all so much for your good thoughts and well wishes. They must have helped! It's not glaucoma. In short, I had a scratch in my cornea which healed poorly, and every time I'd wake up or move my eyes quickly, I was tearing the new cells of my eye right off. So now I have eye drops to keep me from ripping my eye into pieces. And hopefully more interesting stories from now on. :-)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

To See or Not to See (A Whiny One-Eyed Blogger Moment)

Happy Halloween early, just in case.

Since beginning this blog, I've made an effort to tie my life events into spanking fodder, or at least, fodder for writing about spanking. But as I've written about lately, I've been having a harder and harder time of dealing with life, nevermind this thing we do. I can't remember the last time I had a real spanking. August, maybe? I can't remember the last time I felt I was really truly up for one. Nonetheless, one probably would have done me good.

Now I find myself in a situation that spanking cannot fix, or even aleve, and I am quite sad over this. For the first time this autumn, I am ready to be punished. I feel silly for having been such a bundle of nerves, for not having taking steps to deal with it long ago. Now that I am dealing with it, having seen a doctor, stopped drinking, and taken to going to the gym a few times a week, I am ready to put all the stress behind me--quite literally. But no punishment, not even a good caning, is going to beat the pressure out of my eye.

My eyes have always had high pressure readings. Doctors have always told me that I am in a high risk group for glaucoma. I've never worried about it, because the other women in my family have also had high pressure readings, but have never encountered problems. Lucky me, I get to be the first.

Two weeks ago, I woke up and had shooting pain in my left eye. I couldn't keep it open. Light, movement, everything made it hurt more. It excessively watered, literally blinding me with tears. I figured I'd scratched or abrased my cornea, and that it would heal. It didn't. Last Wednesday, the pain worsened. I began to feel that it hurt when I would blink. I spent half my work day with my hand over my eye. The same on Thursday. By Friday, I couldn't drive. My husband drove me to work. A co-worker drove me to my doctor in the afternoon.

He couldn't find anything wrong, although he witnessed the excessive watering and the light sensitivity, which he termed photophobia. Nothing was scratched, abrased, or trapped. My symptoms, he said, matched early glaucoma and optic neuritis, a condition that often indicates the onset of multiple sclerosis. He set me up with an emergency appointment with an opthamologist on Monday. I have spent all weekend wondering if I'm going to go blind. In otherwords, I have been terrified.

My husband has taken beautiful care of me. He kept his arms wrapped around me all of Friday night and Saturday, and he'll be with me when I get out of the doctor's tomorrow, so I'll have support no matter what the outcome.

I'm not sure why I'm writing about this. Just to calm myself, I suppose. Putting life into words always makes a situation less painful, whether that situation is a trip over the schooldesk or a trip to the hospital. Let's hope I'm back over that schooldesk again in no time.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

A Slut of a Different Color?

Well, so much for not thinking about it. My bottom is just way too white these days, so I took the "How Spankable are You?" test to double-check that I'm still me. I apparently passed the test with flying red colors. Not only do I enjoy a good spanking, the test has gone so far as to call me names--I am a Spank Slut. I look forward to telling my husband of this, if he doesn't read it here first. "Honey, guess what? Even the computer thinks I am a naughty, naughty girl. Aren't you proud?" I have a feeling I know what my reward will be.

Your Score: Spank Slut

You are 93% spankable!

You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldn't be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.
Link: The How Spankable Are You Test

Friday, October 12, 2007

Are you there, readers? It's me, Abby.

I'm a little late with Love Our Lurkers Day, but I promised myself I would at least blog today, even if I've become a bit of a lurker myself. I've barely thought about our favorite subject of subjects. It's not that I've lost interest. The more I think about why I've faded off, the more I think it's a combination of two things.

The first is that I want to give up control of my body for a short while, give myself to the spanking that cleanses my mind of worries, my heart of pains, my eyes of tears. The second is that I cannot give up control of myself right now. While I try to get myself back on track both physically and mentally, I am also still in charge of all of the things that drove me to the point of falling away from myself. What I need, and this would solve the problem right here, is magic spankings.

Here's the theory. Something unpleasant needs to be accomplished. The bills need to be paid, the dishes need to be washed, the floor needs to be swept, the laundry needs to be done, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. (Who doesn't love a good Yul Brenner reference?) No problem! Ta-da! It's Magic Spanking.

Magic Spanking comes with a variety of spanking implements, each of which has a programmable Wish Level that you and your spanker determine. Love the paddle but hate the strap or the cane? The paddle is set to Wish Level One. Level One accomplishes minor tasks. It may bring all the dishes into the kitchen, but does not actually wash them. It may sweep the floor, but it will not scrub it.

The strap is set to a higher Wish Level. If you hate the strap but hate the cane more, set the Strap to Level Four and the cane to Level Five. These accomplish more frustrating tasks. The decision is yours! But beware, Magic Spanking measures your reaction and determines if the Wish Level is appropriate. If you've set a super-soft play paddle to Level Five and as you are being spanked it senses you have cheated its Internal Punishment Meter, no task accomplished for you!

Alas, I have no Magic Spanking set, so I will probably still be sporadic with my posts. Please know that I am reading my comments and email daily, and sometimes those little notes get me through a day. I love knowing that you're out there. And for those who used to get daily comments from me and I've been silent for so long, know that I'm still out here too. So often these days I just don't know what to say.