Started as a Bottom Now I'm Here

Art by Yang Se Eun (Zipcy) from My Modern Met

With plans only to tease, delight, and explore, I took Mr. W over my lap on Saturday night. I was on the bed, propped up with pillows behind me. He lay across my legs, head on my left, bottom directly before me, bare cock pressed to the tops of my thighs.

I ran my left hand up and down his back, taking moments to massage the areas I know are always most sore, while massaging his glutes with my right. Despite knowing he wanted all my attention on his bottom, I took breaks to reach over with both hands to knead his shoulders and run my knuckles alongside his spine, gently pressing out the tightness and discomfort of a long day working at the computer. His back needed the attention as much as his butt and I was taking care of him, whether he liked it or not.

Eventually, though, I couldn't resist the sweet little globes he was presenting to me and I began to playfully tap his cheeks with a series of tiny little smacks to each side. Three in a row, taptaptap! Each side would get a few rounds of those, then rubs. Four in a row, tap-tap-taptap! A couple rounds, and more rubs and loves. All the way up to rounds of six little spanks to each cheek.

The playful smacks weren't even enough to turn him pink but he'd done well, keeping his bottom up and centered, letting me explore without wiggling, letting me smack him at all -

- after all, am I not usually the bottom in all this? Isn't it usually my butt getting the spanks, and much harder ones at that? Dear Reader, you are not alone in your surprise and possible wonderment at this scene as it plays out (unless you read Rosy Reset Button the other day, in which case you might have guessed round two was coming).

We are exploring different roles in our play. I am exploring the idea of femdom, especially "gentle femdom," (#gdf)  which I will write more about as I work through countless new feelings and fantasies. I am going through a sexual Renaissance of a sort. Everything is new and exciting and I suddenly really want to spank Mr. W, to enjoy him worshiping me and my body, and to honor him equally but in a new power relationship during sex play.

Since he'd done so well with the initial playful smacks, I wanted to give him a reward. I began to massage that most sensitive spot between his cheeks, rubbing tiny circles to coax the the tight wrinkly hole open. I leaned forward and kissed the top of his crack sloppily, letting a pool of saliva gather, then rubbing it down the length of the crack and using it to lubricate just the tip of my index finger.

As I pressed against the spot, he moaned and arched, letting me in. A careful visitor, I continued to circle and tease him, allowing his body to take me in rather than force my way, and soon he'd taken the full length of the finger inside his body. With  my left hand squeezing his ass cheeks, I slowly and gently allowed the finger to continue the massage from the inside.

After a short time, I pulled out and asked him if he was ready for me to spank him again. "Are you ready for more spanking?" I asked. "You can earn another round of those touches."

"Yes please," he answered from his throat, his voice deep, barely audible, evidently lustful.

"A little harder this time?"

"Yes please," he said again.

I didn't want to just go at it and make him hurt. I  wanted to build up a nice, warm, buzzy sensation. I began with single smacks to the curve of the bottom of each cheek, upward strokes allowing my palm to land right in that sweet spot then glide in a quick light glide over the rest of his ass. Smack and feathery tease. Back and forth I spanked, building a little warmth, a little pink, and when my hand began to feel a little warm too I rubbed his bottom vigorously. "Well done, well done," I whispered.

After I few moments to assure any sting remaining from the skin-to-skin contact had abated, I returned to the rhythm, smacking a fraction harder and leaving out the feathery touches. It wasn't hard, but in that moment I was spanking him and it felt incredible. He was under my power and he was trembling with pleasure. Endorphins and dopamine flowed. Back and forth, my hand found its happy home again and again. I found myself fantasizing about moving to a chair and taking him back over my lap, small paddle in hand, to continue the spanking and take him to the next sensory level.

Once again, when the light sting of his flesh against my palm signaled that he had warmed satisfactorily, I ceased spanking and rubbed, massaged, and kissed the whole - and the hole - of his backside. Salivating against the now not-so-tight little button, I murmured with my mouth full, "Ready?" Soon I had him gently but nonetheless impaled again on my index finger, sliding it in easily, crooking the tip of my finger to massage his prostate. "That's it," I whispered, encouraging him to melt into me loving him. "That's it, you beautiful man."

I was so ready for him to be inside me, but this time was for him. I made no move to change things up, but soon he indicated he was ready to change positions. As much as I wanted to keep playing with his ass, I hoped he was ready to fuck.

If you did read Rosy Reset Button, you'll know that this is my second time this past week attempting to allow myself to be "in charge" while giving Mr. W sensual attention. I may be exploring the idea of femdom, but I'm starting with just putting the focus on him, the same way he puts the focus on me when he is spanking and dominating me, and also giving myself permission to guide the scene. In Rosy Reset Button, we hadn't set the nature of our playtime first so he didn't realize that I was viewing myself as in charge. This time, I had thought the parameters were in place just by the act of what we'd been doing, but our usual personas showed up and created some awkward confusion.

I like to share even the sexy scenes that go awry because we are all human, and sometimes things go wrong when we're naked. It doesn't mean WE are wrong, or bad, or failures. It's easy to attach shame to our self-view when we don't get sex right, but the truth is, really great sex is a little bit lucky timing, a little skill, and an absolute ton of self knowledge. We can learn about ourselves and our partners by practicing, and what better activity to have to practice than sex?

As he got up, he leaned forward and kissed me between the legs. It seemed exactly the right act for him to fall into next and I opened my legs for further pussy-licking attention. At the same time, he realized just how dripping wet I was. A wet spot had formed where I'd been sitting with him over my lap. A large, wet, ready for it right now wet spot. My juices, before he went down to kiss me, had webbed my thighs.

"Young lady!" he admonished. He stopped kissing my clit and pulled back into a sitting position. Then he smacked that wet pussy! It was fucking hot. My pussy throbbed and it was probably a visible clench and release. He smacked it again, then again. It all happened very quickly and as soon as I was beyond aroused my brain kicked in. "Hey lady, weren't you in charge a moment ago?" My brain demanded explanation even as Mr. W began slapping the insides of my thighs.

I was so very wet at having spanked Mr. W, even lightly, even for play, and now all the control had been wrenched from my hands. The hands that had been powerful one moment were now pushed away from protecting my thighs. "How dare you get so wet, so aroused?" Mr. W, the character, wanted to know. I was his naughty little girl, the scene and relationship so familiar. Maybe he was my Daddy, punishing me for my lasciviousness. Maybe he was my Sir, in control of my body and I was aroused without permission. One thing I was NOT was a domme.

I burst into tears.

Crying after a spanking is pretty normal, and something I've done a gazillion times. Are you supposed to cry when you're the spanker though? And when you've barely done any spanking? I thought not.

I had thought myself the great protector and sexy sensual guide. Next thing you know, Mr. W has his arms tightly around me, he's leaned forward, his weight on my torso, his head on my shoulder, his breath as he pulls me close on my neck, my chin, my cheek, my ear. "I've got you," he whispered. As he always does when I need him, once I feel lost and unstable. "I've got you."

We talked then. I had a chance to explain that I'd been feeling really good and proud of myself, taking charge, trying something new with confidence, only to internalize the chastisement of the pussy and thigh slapping as a sign that me wanting to dominant him, even in play, was bad and a punishable offense. I felt tricked. I didn't feel that he had played me. It felt like the universe had teased me with strength and then took it all away.

"God no!" he answered. "You were so incredibly wet. Did you see this puddle?" He made me look at the spot soaked through the sheet. "You were that wet from touching and spanking me. It was so fucking hot. I just went for it." I was not in trouble with him or the universe after all.

We talked and laughed. We didn't get back to sex that night, favoring instead the connection we found emotionally and mentally afterward my tears. Mr. W has always been my top and switching to spanking and punishing me during sex was normal for him in that moment, so when he was turned on by how turned on I was, it just came naturally. Meanwhile, I'm trying something new and am learning that until it comes as second nature - as whipping my thighs and pussy does for Mr. W - I'm going to need to set up what I want for the scene ahead of time, which is advice I would give to anyone just exploring a new kink.

And in really fantastic news, now we know just how much spanking Mr. W seriously turns me on. Now I need to practice.

My Body His Drum

When it was time, he asked me to lie face down on one side of the bed, naked and trusting, as he readied two slender canes and a short stiff leather whip known as a sjambok.  We'd already discussed the session we were about to commence. It would be different from our usual spanking sessions and we were both excited to try this new experiment in sensation. Despite my body's light trembling, I was thoroughly calm, my usual pre-play anxiety set aside in favor of anticipation.

Placing the canes and whip next to me, he leaned over and stroked my hair, allowing his fingers to comb through the waves. His fingertips rubbed tiny circles over my scalp and the nape of my neck, waking the nerve endings, gently commanding them to welcome his touch. He then moved down my back, first working delicate patterns on the surface of my skin, then sweeping arcs over the musculature with the flat of his palm.


Continuing downwards, he took both cheeks of my buttocks in each hand and squeezed. This part of my body is always ready for his touch, no coaxing needed. I arched my back, presenting my bottom more fully. He kneaded the flesh, switching sides, pressing deeply into the soft, welcoming tissue. Before I was ready for him to end his touches there, he continued the journey down my thighs and calves until he finished at my feet, where he stopped and reached for the sjambok.

The whip picked up where his hands left off, stroking not striking, tracing a path from the soles of my feet back up to my neck then down again. Its journey was meandering, teasing and tickling. Every cell of my body answered yes when he finally asked if I was ready.

Despite the plan, my body expected pain. I tensed, but the sjambok landed lightly and quickly on the lower curve of my backside, then again, and then again. Tap, tap, tap, it struck a dancing rhythm, the leather bouncing off my bottom in teasing wisps. He let the sjambok fall across my flesh as quickly as he could, each stroke blurring into the next, building with intensity as he began to unpredictably allow the whip to fall harder than I expected every few strokes. These blows stung but so quickly merged back into the overall pattern that I began to look forward to the sudden peaks of sensation.

Once my bottom was tingling, he allowed the whip to travel down the backs of my legs, still tapping a steady rhythm, and then to the soles of my feet. He lifted my left foot and placed three firm lines across the arch, then circled his thumb deeply into the flesh, massaging away the sting as quickly as it had come. He repeated the cycle, then used the handle of the sjambok to continue the massage over the sole of the entire foot. I moaned encouragingly. We had not discussed including feet but now I didn't want him to stop. He gently set the left foot down and picked up my right. I wiggled my toes at him in delight and he laughed quietly, teasing and tickling me before letting the sjambok do its work.

Finally the whip traveled back up my legs to its final destination, where after a few more moments of tapping, the rhythm stopped. He set the sjambok down and picked up the canes, taking one in each hand. Tracing patterns with their tips all over the back of my body, he spoke to me in a warm, assuring voice.

"Breathe into the sensation. Long, deep breaths. Sigh, moan, or cry out if you want. Let your voice and your breath flow. Tell me if you want me to go faster or slower. If you want me to go harder or lighter. Feel free to touch yourself. You are welcome to come when you are ready, if you are ready. This is for you."

"Yes, Sir," I breathed, my entire body tingling as he began the tapping rhythm again, this time with the canes falling one after the other after the other, back and forth, percussively coaxing a pink blush to the surface of my skin. I could feel the warmth rising even without seeing the change of tone.

The canes felt completely different from the tapping of the sjambok.  Whereas before I had felt trembling throughout my body as I became more and more open to whatever sensation he was about to bring to me next, there was now no awareness of sensation other than the tingling of the area where the canes were striking. The harder strokes blended seamlessly into the overall pattern he was playing on my flesh and soon I wanted more of them. "Harder, please," I asked.

He allowed the canes to strike with more force. "Let your body move as it wants," he told me. "You may allow your body to meet the canes. Arch, twist, take what you want from the strokes."

I arched my back so that the cane strokes were all landing in the curve between thigh and buttocks. He teased down my thighs and I wiggled, begging the canes to come back to that same spot. The flesh there buzzed with electricity; I could nearly feel sparks with the landing of each cane. He continued to tease, drumming down the backs of my legs quickly, only to return to that same spot that was now sending tendrils of energy to the furthest extremities and deepest recesses of my body.

I slid my right hand beneath my body and between my thighs. I pressed two fingers to the flesh there and found that I was so wet, so ready, that my fingers nearly slipped inside without any further pressure. I adjusted and trapped the tips of my fingers between the bed and my clit. "I'm ready," I urged him. "Harder, faster, please. Please."

He let loose an intense rhythm across my ass and thighs, my body his drum. My head spun, sensing that the blows would have felt like pain on another day or in another body but in this body, today, the canes had both grounded me in pleasure and lifted me into ecstasy. The muscles of my thighs tightened as I felt myself rise towards orgasmic peak.

He noticed the change and directed all of the attention towards my backside. Moments later, I was coming in spasms that shot up into my shoulders and down through the soles of my feet. Every inch of me was trembling as I collapsed atop my hand.

He set the canes down and put one hand on each of my hips, wordlessly directing me to twist and kneel on the edge of the bed, thighs parted. I was still shuddering, unsure how I would take anymore sensation. I craved the firm grasp of his hands on my shoulders, craved being held, centered. When he rested his hands exactly where I wanted them and began to knead the muscles at the top of my spine, I had to ask. "How could you tell I wanted that?"

"I could tell by the way you moved," he answered.

He continued to massage and sooth me until I caught my breath. I nodded and arched again, opening to him. He trailed his hands down my back and stroked the heated backside presented to him. Once more, he asked if I was ready.

I was ready. I was ready to do this every night with him for the rest of our lives.

Afterwards, Across Your Lap - An Erotic Poem

Tender is the Night, a melting massage bar by Lush Cosmetics,
is the bar that leads to the sensuous aftercare described below

Afterwards, Across Your Lap

Exhausted, sore, I settle slowly

onto my left hip and thigh, robe riding up,

the friction of leather on still-damp skin

barely a sensation

compared to the welts your rattan raised

across my ass in tight red lines,

a fetish formation well-practiced, well-appreciated,

well-delivered.

After the caning you’d driven into me hard

from behind. I was already kneeling at the edge of the bed,

back still arched and feet still flexed when

you threw the cane down and spread me wide.

I cried out louder at cock than cane, the surprise

of pain twisted into pleasure more shocking even

than that one stroke that drew

the smallest, most delicate

drop of blood.

Afterwards, streams of water rushed over me,

stinging those striped marks, washing the shared rewards

of my punishment past my thighs, swirling with soap

around my feet before dissipating - foam into the sea.

I ran my hands over the welts

before stepping from the shower, water still running,

and marveled at how easily our bodies allow

our flesh to be transformed.

Then wrapped in a robe like a towel,

I found you asleep where I’d left you.

I woke you with kisses then left you with

a view of my stripes and a small paper bag

clutched in my hand.

You come to me on the couch, sitting to my right,

your cleansed and gleaming body naked so I

let the robe wrap fall away. You pat your lap;

“Over my knee,” you say. I shake my head,

“I can’t,” I whisper, but you laugh and hold out your hand.

I put my hand in yours, expecting to be pulled, but

you shake your head and nod towards the little bag.

Pulling out the shea butter massage bar you brought me home as a surprise,

I place it in your hand.

You tap your thigh, still smiling, and I twist

to lie across your lap, knowing you could just as easily

set the bar down and begin spanking me anew,

but instead you touch it to me where there are no marks,

circling, letting the bar warm and melt onto our skin.

Slowly slowly, you slide it over me, over the welts,

over the slight mark of broken skin, over the white flesh

that surrounds the perfect patch of red stripes over pink.

Slowly, slowly, over my thighs and up onto my lower back,

my hips, the scents of vanilla, jasmine, ylang-ylang turning

my body back from crisp cleanliness to the ripe fragrance

of a woman well-wanted, well-pleasured, well-used.

You set the bar down, its butter now coating both your hands,

and you spread my ass once again, your fingers massaging

the inner cheeks then sliding down from the base of my spine to the

moistening crevice still swollen from earlier service

and slipping across every inch in between.

Slowly, slowly, the circles over my backside begin again, but

among the patterns, tips of fingers grace the tender spot

between my cheeks, barely tracing the entrance to

its tightly guarded but not unbreachable depths.

Slowly, slowly, one hand remains. As the other continues

to caress away my decreasingly insistent pain,

the insistence of my body for the presence promised

by your fingertips is unable to be ignored.

So slippery, so slick, a single finger slides into me, the oft barred

passage unlocking easily at the pressure of your lubricated key.

Unexpectedly, I push back, welcoming, squeezing

around you. You slide into me deeper and I bite the arm

of the leather couch, tilting my hips to take you in, all the way

to your third knuckle, until you pull back and I almost release you.

I clench to draw you back in. You whisper, “You like this,”

and God I do as you knead my ass like handfuls of flowered dough

with one hand and thrust into me with the other, the single finger

turning into two as I open ever more greedily around your

plunging, provoking hand, prodding me to beg for three.

Slowly, slowly a thing of the past and your hand goes at me

as forcefully as I’ve ever felt it, faster, faster,

and neither of us knows if it’s the jockey spurring the pony

or the pony bucking underneath him; he has no choice but

to ride this one out until the end of the race and

the leather is now taut between my teeth because the glass

is thin on the sliding glass doors and the neighbors could

hear me if I cry out as you frictionlessly fingerfuck me

to completion and my hips are still rocking when

you slowly, slowly don’t let go and don’t slide out and

when my teeth have released the leather and I’ve turned

back to look at you, lips open still gasping,

“You liked that didn’t you,” you say. You smile again

like you did at the beginning and thrust one last time

and no one cares anymore about the sliding glass door

or the sound or the slickness we’ll leave on the leather.

I nod. “I liked that too,” you say.