Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Fierce Foreplay

Braced for Fierce Foreplay. I love this shot. I love this film!

The vocabulary of our fetish is not broad enough to encompass all we do. Some punishment truly is punishment, discipline in the old-fashioned sense, described by Merriam-Webster as "suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution." Those of us who make use of punishment as part of our erotic, domestic, and/or spiritual lives have surely experienced those punishment scenes that are based explicitly or loosely on actual wrong-doing. Our tops provide that retribution for us, usually not because they need to, as would a judiciary system based on corporal punishment, but because we need them to. Perhaps it aids us in forgiving ourselves, or in simply releasing ourselves from the perception of wrong-doing. Perhaps it allows us to perceive ourselves as forgiven. Cause and effect, naughtiness and punishment--the bread and butter of the spanking world.

But, as has been confirmed in blog after blog, comment after comment, email after email, there is something else we spankophiles do that has nothing to do with notions of wrongdoing and reprisal, something completely lacking in Dostoevskian drive. It's the thing that makes spanking a viable form of pornography. It's the thing that made my husband know that I was the woman for him. It's the thing that has been the basis of every masturbatory session I can remember in my adult life. It's the fact that spanking--in all it's agonizing, power-struggling, ripe-bottomed glory--is simply hot.

My fetish is multi-faceted, a spanking diamond, if you will. Hold it to the light this way, and when watching a spanking film, I find myself thinking the phrase "Beat her harder" during an already firm punishment. Held another way, all I can think is "Why do I like this?" well struggling not to cry so much it would worry the neighbors or the postman. Hold it one way and I want to hear stories of cruel Victorian canings on the bare backsides of non-consenting young women, but hold it another way and it's the most sensual, most fulfilling foreplay imaginable, the kind that could substitute or even has substituted for sex.

Getting beaten as foreplay is no less painful--some of my more erotically fulfilling spankings have also been the most severe. To a degree, those spankings are no more consensual, either, as usually at some point, my body realizes that a paddling or a caning is not sex, and that it hurts, and that it's going to hurt for days. They're often even more mentally challenging, because there is nothing to repent, no reason to explain to myself why I am experiencing the ordeal. It's happening only because it's what we do.

I came up with the phrase "Fierce Foreplay" in naming the most recent scene we filmed. Our only intention was to capture what it is Mr. W and I do together, usually when the cameras are off. We captured it so well it's taken me a few days just to brave watching the edited version, which Mr. W executed beautifully. The film is so me, so bare and honest that it terrified me a little. In the beginning, there's some giggling, some enjoyment. Then there hits a point when I think I don't want to go on, as a tawsing tortures me between the thighs. By the end, a caning takes me over the edge and leaves me bruised and a little bit embarrassed for days. Abby's fingers, at it again.

I'm really proud of this film, because I think it captures the intensity of what we do as well as the connection we share behind it. But I'm terrified, because if I can forget the cameras are there now, if I can be completely myself, then what might we capture next? I've always known I spent my days dancing with my demons. I never thought I'd have a chance to watch that dance on film.

My backside is Demon Number One.


  1. How glorious, passionate, and intimate, this is! You are a voluptious Venus, Abby. Mr Williams is a stern dispassionate Mars. No pretence of punishment, a true celebration of voluntary passion. If I lost my copy of this clip, I would willingly pay ten times the price to get it back.

  2. Good material, I will go through clipsforsales!.

    I propose exchanging links between our blogs. If they agree, Let me a message on my blog.


  3. Mr Williams is a stern dispassionate Mars. No pretence of punishment, a true celebration of voluntary passion.

    Ah, spanking - always rife with contradictions :)

    When I first got into the "scene", Abby, a lot of the spankos I met never enjoyed the kind of consensual/erotic or D/s spanking which is the bedrock of my own practice (if not my fantasies) and which you express so powerfully in your writing and films. I found this sentence rang particularly true for me:

    They're often even more mentally challenging, because there is nothing to repent, no reason to explain to myself why I am experiencing the ordeal.

    I absolutely empathise with this. Making spanking films, acting, roleplay - they make pain massively easier to endure. The illusion of non-consent is immersive - you can cloak yourself in it, lose yourself in struggling and hating it. The character provides a filter through which suffering is more easy to make sense of.

    But confronting our kink on the bare, as it were, without any filters, any roles - explicitly doing this because it's what we into - can be much harder. There's no story there which we can pull over ourselves to make sense of what's happening. There's no fantasy to focus on (I never fantasise about consensual spanking). We have to come face to face with the bald truth of it: we do this because it's hot, even though we hate it. It's a difficult and awkward truth to negotiate, emotionally. Enacting non-consent fantasies is much simpler in some ways.

  4. @ Ah, spanking - always rife with contradictions :)'

    The oldest Etymollogical root of the word stern is the old English: starian--one who stares i.e. (in this context) one whose phallic focus is on the oscillating desire of the other, rather than the simple pursuit of his own ecstatic detumescence :)

  5. Amazing essay. I thinking you could compile your blog posts and self-publish a book on Lulu. That would be awesome.

    Keep up the great stuff! :-)
    Best to you,
    Cherry Red

  6. That's the best spanking video I've ever seen. (And I've seen a lot!)

  7. A lovely post, Abby. The only downside, and it happens whenever I read the blogs I can relate to best, is that the green-eyed monster has reared its ugly head again. I want it too!

    If I look back to a year ago or so, I can see that our foreplay spanking is getting more intense, and I can only hope it continues in that direction.

    Woman's reach should exceed her grasp, though, so keep up your excellent work as role model.



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